Wakeup call...

Alright, galaxy. This one is a PSA on how not to direct message your Dark Lord on twitter.

I follow a bunch of people. I also tweet with lots too.

The relationships we have in the verse are not real. Any love scenes you see in the verse are either 1. For character storyline or 2. For comic relief.

Our dm's are all in regards to storyline or RL (many of us are RL friends as well here.)

That being said, here are some of the most shocking dm's I have ever received. None of these are from verse members, but all the same, I choose to air them anonymously.

(Please excuse the language/content. This is not your Dark Lord writing the following.)

Now you know all the truth, tell me do I have a chance with you my lord? Some say I look alike like natalie portman... and I'm a pretty desirable brunette with a lack of chance with almost all Star Wars true fans



*climbs on top and straddles you* Are you a bad bad Sith today? *snickers*

You know what? I wanna make love to you, with/out armor you're in every single fantasy of mine my lord #confessions

I want you to pound me like a jackhammer. *blushes deeply and giggles* *Bites lip* I want you so bad Lord Vader, please don't push me away.

fuck me on the kitchen,fuck me on the fridge,fuck me on your TIE or even fuck me on ur Emperor's seat sexy mad lord

*takes off her bra and her medium sized breasts are shown to Lord Vader* She blushes even deeper.

-groans- please me my love - do it, make passionate love to me, do bad things with me, eat me, kiss me, fuck me -kisses deep-


---

In addition to the following (which is like a top ten list for WHAT IN THE HELL?!) I have received pictures, emails, im acct names, and various other propositions.

I tweet as Darth Vader for fun. I might flirt from time to time, and if you have a decent storyline, I might even work you in my RPG, but I'm here because of my love for Star Wars. Not sex.

Furthermore, it's gotten to the point that much of the outside tweeting/flirtations at Vader interfere with my main storylines to the point where I can no longer tweet my group.

Other outsiders have actually been asked to cease, courtesy of one of the members I play my main storyline with, and in return the people in question have both slammed her and unfollowed the SW verse characters. Why do that? Why disrespect the characters that our characters have relationships with and then slam them in the feed, especially given the knowledge that our verse is so tightly knit?

We tweet everyone, and by everyone I mean Star Wars, Star Trek, M*A*S*H, Twilight, Anne Rice, Trueblood, Anime, Film noir characters, fairys, pixies, animals, robots, non-canon characters, RL accts, comic book superheros, historical figures, and Blues Brothers.

We aren't high strung, and we aren't exclusive. We do, however, demand a little respect.

Thanks for your understanding and attention to this situation.

End PSA

-DV

I'm Darth Vader and I have a plant problem...

That's right. Your eyes didn't fool you.

I'm Darth Vader, and I have a plant problem. Or, HAD a plant problem. Kriff if I know anymore.

It all started one night when I went to enjoy some peaceful meditation



with Rebecca, only to find that for some reason, our Marvin Gaye had no effect.

For the first time in my life, my saber malfunctioned.



So, I decided to go to see my psychiatrist, Dr. FleurduMal to see if she could give me any insight, because this has never been a problem for me.

When I got there, I found Obi-Wan had already scheduled an appointment...the doctor told me I'd have to wait! I know she's a good doctor and all, but honestly, doesn't anybody in this entire blasted galaxy have any idea of WHO I AM? Darth Vader doesn't make appointments. So, I "altered" the appointment and Obi-Wan and I were stuck in this joint session. Didn't matter so much at first because I needed to work through these problems, but then I realized Kenobi was hearing EVERYTHING I had to say. Anyway, I got some good dirt on him from that session, so if he blackmails me, I go public on his ass.

So, while I was at the Doctor's office, I noticed she had this amazing plant specimen on her desk. I asked her what it was, and she told me it was a Rhododendron.

I think Rhododendron is synonymous with SEXIEST. PLANT. EVER.



Anyway, so I swiped the plant from her office, because unlike her session, I was actually getting worked up over this plant. Figured I could just tote it around with me all my days and presto! No more saber malfunctions. Ever.

So, I take the plant back with me and this fairy propositions me. Told her I wasn't interested and returned my attentions back to the plant.

Woke up the next morning to the sound of Brisard's Corellian cackle. Apparently, this was all some little trick of hers and she sprayed the plant with her own perfume just so I'd be attracted to it.



Gotta say. Worked like a charm.

Anyways, long story short, we made up, had a wonderful night, courtesy of Mr. Marvin Gaye, and here I am now.

So, why do I still feel so bad?

If I'd have just taken time to think...to be considerate, Brisard wouldn't have to have perfumed plants and stashed them around my ship.

Expanding on that subject, if I'd have been thinking, I'd have left my master to die, and embraced the galaxy with my son, instead of pushing him away.

I'd own up to the fact that I'm a monster in Leia's eyes instead of expressing my discontent at her when she pushes me away.

I love my children and I love my wife, but for some reason, I fear connection. I fear connection because it opens those I love to my darkness, and for as much control as I have over the Force, I fear that I'd still end up hurting those I care for. I connect with Brisard, yet I cause her more hurt than she has ever known. I don't wish to cause her pain, yet I can't control my emotions when the darkness claims me.

How could I put my children through that?

Maybe I should buy Luke and Leia a nice home...their own planet. Something to show I care, and in a peaceful place, far from my reach.

As for Aria, she is determined to see this through, even if it means her death. She won't allow me to send her away...won't allow me to see to her safety.

Luke is trying to restore our bond...

Leia is hinting at wanting to know her father...

My entire kriffing family is nuts.

Love does that.

Can't they understand that I'm so bad the ghosts of former Sith Lords pop up in my quarters to say, "Dude? You killed younglings? Whoa, you ARE evil."

That settles it. Dr. FleurduMal is taking on the whole family. I'm going to call and schedule a group session. If I've got a problem with hate, they have a problem with love. Hopefully our good doctor will have a solution that can help us to become a true family.

I hope...

Losing my religion...and quite possibly, my Empire...

Blast, but it's been stressful lately for your Dark Lord...rogue jedi, engagements, my daughter gone to meditate with that blasted smuggler, and...a fleet threatening the security of my Empire.

I am concerned that this new fleet is the product of all my fears combined...I am certain that these warships are the fleet of the Yuuzhan Vong. They've come to try and stake their claim on my galaxy.

Their ships are like nothing we've seen on our radar before. Honestly, why can't we have those little folks in the flying cube like our friends from the alternate galaxy?

Nice design...(albeit they ripped off our Death Star...how far did those intercepted plans go?!)



And they look kind of friendly...



But, do my probe droids return and tell me they've found a Borg fleet in my galaxy?!



Of course not...Instead, this is what they find...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLz342GFRG4

Which leads me to the following...

What kind of people are the Yuuzhan Vong, anyways?

Casting call...

I love the diversity of the twitterverse, and I love how we RP with anyone and everyone.

But...I'd love to have a few more characters in our pocket.

Casting call:

Don't have:
Admiral Piett
Admiral Ozzel
Wrenga Jixton
Mon Mothma
Bail & Breha Organa
Greedo
Oola
Darth Malak
Count Dooku (b/c his typist left)
Xizor (same)
Moff Jerjerrod

Have them, but they should tweet more often:
Jabba the Hutt
Boba Fett
Lando Calrissian
Yoda


I'm just listing some main characters, but there are thousands more that need to make an apperance in our verse. I think this might be a good place to do so.

MTFBWY, (unless you are part of the Rebel Alliance and a TRAITOR!)

DV

(We have a Darth__Sidious if the typist returns)

All we are saying, is give tweeps a chance...

OK, so here goes. First straight, no satire post from yours truly.

Lemme start by saying I HATE rude tweeps. I'd be the first person to come to someone's rescue if a rude tweep attacked, and I've done so in the past. My track record should show that.

Now I'll level with you. I don't know what to think of SelinaCat2010 or CaptainStarwind.

In my opinion, while they have said things in the public tweetfeed that have angered the good people of the twitterverse, I don't know how to tweet them. I blocked SelinaCat last night for her continued harrassment of Becky, but I couldn't help but wonder whether or not we could have talked her down and turned her into a decent tweep.

I don't expect any of you to agree with me, but I do ask that you see where I'm coming from. I signed onto twitter initially as Aria's counterpart, with the warning that by doing so, I would be hounded by people who wanted us gone. She had been told to leave the twitterverse her first week there. I was banned from twitter about three weeks into the game, not to mention some of the hate dm's and tweets I'd get from these people under different accts.

Do I follow the people who attacked us? NO. Would I try and make them leave twitter, or the SW twitterverse? No, because even though I really hated what they did to me and my friend, I realize now that if I tried that and succeeded, I'd be doing the very same thing they did to me.

These remarks were made to Aria and I when we were new tweeps. SelinaCat2010 and CaptainStarwind seem like newbies too.

Honestly, I think SelinaCat is absolutely crazy, and why she can't see that the "Mean Girls" division in the verse was established eons before she tweeted us is beyond me. She'll never sync up with us merely because she cyberstalks folks like Barb, Kit, and Sarah to find out when they're tweeting and goes berserk. You have to approach the verse with some sense of maturity.

As for Captain Starwind, looking back through his tweets, I think he merely lashed out in a poor attempt to try and save face. I can't tell if he has the potential to be a good member of the verse or not yet. It's too early in the game. I don't like the comments he's made, and I don't like that he's offended my friend Kit, but I also know that we're all human, we make mistakes, and how difficult it is to start tweeting the verse for the first time. I doubt if many of you remember me 30,000 tweets ago when I first came here, but I made several. I still do...It's a wonder you put up with me.

I think we're in a bit of a funk right now. We've had so many haters come at us, that we've been forced to put up our shields. It's hard to make friends, be it in real life or over the verse. The verse was made as a refuge for tweeps...a place where everyone belonged, no matter how canon or uncanon they were. I'd hate for other RPers to find us unaccepting, because then the beauty of our verse is lost on them, and we, in turn, get less people to interact with.

Some of the new members are tweeters that I've met as I've increased my follower numbers...people who have tweeted me and joined our verse because they had a desire to meet each of you as well. I hope you'll extend them a welcome as you did me.

Well, there you have it. A full thesis from the guy who normally keeps quiet. I hope I haven't offended anyone by my sermon, but I consider you all my friends, so I chose to speak freely.

MTFBWY, even if you're part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor,

Darth Vader

Darth Vader, poet laureate...

Mood: So Angry I don't even wish to discuss it...
Music: Nocturne in E-flat major - Chopin

You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.

Or, so say the Rolling Stones.

Today my master placed me in a reflective Anger Management seminar. Not anger management to take away one's anger, mind you, but to manage the emotion to get the best results. Pure anger is what I'm striving for here...

So, how come they made me write a blasted poem?! On my "feelings?!"

Here's the result of their little shindig:

Don't ask me how I feel - by Darth Vader

Cold. Menacing...
power lying dormant.
A sleeping dragon.
For now.
I can wait until *he* surfaces...
That wretched scum...out in the wastelands of Tatooine, no doubt.
Lying in wait, goading and taunting me...
Bastard.
KENOBI!!!
You tell me you're my brother...
would my brother shack up with my wife?
Steal my children and turn them against their father?!
Leave me to anguish, and take my weapon to shame me?
Colder. Heartless now...
The dragon comes to the surface.
Rebel Scum.
I'll kill you one by one, until *he* surfaces.
I'll watch with excitement as you gasp for breath
and relish in my new power...
Won't be long now.
KENOBI!!!
I will have my revenge.
Mark my words...

A poem for @Obis_Wand, my "favorite fiend" ;)

Good ol' Papa Palpatine...

Mood: Slightly dampened anger
Music: Carry on my wayward son - Kansas

So the fight with Luke, my wonderously dark son didn't go so well. He didn't like the fact that I found his lack of evilness disturbing. And he really, and I mean REALLY didn't like the fact that I planned on going back to revive my old master.

Then again...neither did I.

Going back to the old jerk's fortress on Byss, I wondered what I was in for this time. Since I'd knocked him out, thrown him into stasis, and killed off one of his clones to try and take the Empire for myself and for my son, I figured in reviving him I was automatically guaranteed that I wouldn't be getting him on one of his "good" days...

Yeah. My ass was grass.

Not that I was afraid or anything, mind you, but hey, when more than half of you is mechanized, you start to see lightning in a whole new horrific sort of way.

To my surprise, the twisted old fool of a man welcomed me with open arms.

"So, my son...you now know the truth...that young Skywalker is not fit to assume reign."

"He is my son and my heir, master...the time wasn't right. The boy can learn."

Even though my son now wishes to kill me, I still don't take well to the thought of someone dissing him. Chalk it up to fatherly pride, I guess. I don't know...

"I can sense your pain, Lord Vader..." the old man sneered...or maybe he was sincere. Heck, everything he says sounds like he's goading me...do we have to keep pretending to be friends? Can't we go back to "something something something dark side?" "Something something something complete?" "Something something something LORD VADER?!?!?!"

To my surprise, Palpatine pulled out an elaborate chain.

"What is that, my master?"

"This belonged to my old master...Darth Plagueis. He used to wear it every day...said it was a Sith talisman. The day I overtook my master, I used this to choke the very life out of him. I keep it...to remember him by. One day, you'll find a way to overtake me...you'll have a memento too."

Huh...Palpatine was either trying to be sincere or was more senile than I thought.

"Thank you, my master. Right now, I'm content just having you back."

And I was. Truth be told, I really missed his laugh...

Vader vs. Vader...

Mood: Comfortably Numb
Music: Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd

I like to think that wherever I go, there are always two of me at war with the other. An evil Vader, which is just my everyday self, and then the darker persona you just don't wanna mess with, ever.

Even I'm scared of that guy...but when he turns up, I must say, it *is* a rush.

Still, he always botches up my plans. Take, for instance, one Luke Skywalker. I could have easily calmed the boy down at Bespin...talked some sense into him...turned him to the dark side, but what does my darker persona do? Chops off the kid's hand.

Oh great. Now he's really gonna love his daddy.

I won't trash my dark half too much...I need my anger, so I guess that means that I need him. Truth be told, I still owe him a beer for killing Padme when he did. I needed to move on.

So how did I wind up in a courtroom with my son in a mass one on one lawsuit for the rights to the Galactic Empire? Because he finally saw the conflict between myself and the dragon within.

"The court will proceed with the case of Luke Skywalker, plaintiff, vs. Anakin Skywalker, defendant..."

"THAT NAME NO LONGER HAS ANY MEANING FOR ME!!!"

"Your honor?" Luke spoke, "Just call us both Vader. Otherwise he'll never shut up..."

Sometimes I wish I could just go back to Tatooine and forget "Sith Lord" has been my occupation for some 20 years...

Needless to say, the courtroom scene never really panned out. Luke and I settled for a better alternative. One of us will eventually kill the other. Isn't that what family's all about?

Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man...

Mood: Comfortably numb
Music: Sharp Dressed Man - ZZ Top

Called away from the fleet today...still doing some preliminary work on the Death Star. What a name. Doesn't sound very inviting, does it? I don't know what Tarkin was thinking when he mentioned paying it off by promoting it as a resort and hiring a lounge singer. For some reason, the song, "Copa Cabana" just doesn't sound like something I'd associate with the term, "technological terror."

Anyway, so I was walking to the hangar to get back to my ship when a shuttle arrived on the Death Star. Out comes this entourage of striking women...the Emperor's entourage. Apparently he was transferring some of his women to what will be our new command center. I really don't see the need, and since my mother was a slave, I abhor such practices, to tell you the truth.

I did, however, stop dead in my tracks when I heard them start whistling as I walked by. I turned my head in disbelief and was met with blushing faces and suppressed giggles.

I was SO going to get it when my master arrived...and of course, he'd never believe that it wasn't my fault...

Guess being overly charred and mostly cybernetic is still hotter than being a wrinkled old crone.

I chuckled at the thought and walked into my shuttle.

"Lordship..." the female voice purred, "How can I serve?"

That's Commander Brisard...she's an officer in my fleet, and we well...sort of have this thing...when we're not trying to kill each other, that is. For some reason, she knows how to read me. I guess even with this mask on, I still have a horrible poker face. Either way, it's nice to have someone who agrees with you that killing Jedi younglings wasn't such a bad thing...try explaining that to Padme Amidala.

"Get us back to the fleet, Brisard." I commanded, sinking back in my chair.

"Yes, Lord Vader. Shall we make up bad names for Tarkin on the way back?"

I smiled. Whoever made the rule that women weren't fit to serve the Empire certainly had no appreciation for humor.

All in all, it had been a good day. I had intimidated Tarkin, been whistled at by the Emperor's consorts, and, by the time I'd return to the safe haven I called star destroyer Devastator, I'd have about 100 new insults for that pathetic excuse for a Grand Moff.

My kingdom for a throat to choke...

Mood: Angry
Music: Ain't talkin bout love - Van Halen

If there's one thing I hate more than Moff Tarkin, it's this damn suit. Today I went for a briefing in the Imperial Palace with some of my subordinates, and problems with the oxygen levels in the respirator made me nearly pass out.

Inwardly, I could hear my master laughing...the smug look on Tarkin's face was all I needed to drive me over the edge.

Knowing I couldn't kill the man, at least not yet, I settled on walking out. My master said nothing, but I'm sure I'll more than pay for it later.

I took my TIE and screamed out towards the sanctity of deep space. The highlight of my day? Some rookie cop tried to flag me down for my disregard to the speed limits on ground level. Can you imagine? Darth Vader gets a speeding ticket?

I have to say that while it peeved me, it did give me a good laugh. I entertained the notion of tearing him to pieces, but settled for showing the man what piloting skills truly were. If he ever got close enough to actually obtain my clearance code, I can only imagine his reaction when he runs it through with intel on Coruscant.

It's soothing here in space...nothing around...the only sound being the constant blare of my stereo...but hey, it's not like I have hearing to protect anymore.

Or sight, or touch, or anything else for that matter...

Wish someone made "Kenobi in a can." Release your anger: Just add water...and a good Force choke.

Sith Lords anonymous...

Hi. My name is Darth Vader and I have a killing problem. That's the first step, right?

This is already getting old. I don't talk to people because I'm not a very "social" person...so why in blazes am I blogging? Quite frankly the evening banquets and days at the Senate I used to endure with one Padme Amidala were horrors that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Politics have never been my thing.

Galactic domination, on the other hand...

But I digress.

I guess this blogging thing isn't so bad. Not like anyone's going to read it...and to tell you the truth, those meetings with Moff Tarkin are a constant thorn in my side. What an arrogant ass. I figure I can use this to vent...if he should ever stumble across my bemused rantings and read them? I figure that's a plus.

So yeah. Guess you can count on me writing more often for sure. Who knows? I might even share a few "trade secrets."