I'm Darth Vader and I have a plant problem...

That's right. Your eyes didn't fool you.

I'm Darth Vader, and I have a plant problem. Or, HAD a plant problem. Kriff if I know anymore.

It all started one night when I went to enjoy some peaceful meditation



with Rebecca, only to find that for some reason, our Marvin Gaye had no effect.

For the first time in my life, my saber malfunctioned.



So, I decided to go to see my psychiatrist, Dr. FleurduMal to see if she could give me any insight, because this has never been a problem for me.

When I got there, I found Obi-Wan had already scheduled an appointment...the doctor told me I'd have to wait! I know she's a good doctor and all, but honestly, doesn't anybody in this entire blasted galaxy have any idea of WHO I AM? Darth Vader doesn't make appointments. So, I "altered" the appointment and Obi-Wan and I were stuck in this joint session. Didn't matter so much at first because I needed to work through these problems, but then I realized Kenobi was hearing EVERYTHING I had to say. Anyway, I got some good dirt on him from that session, so if he blackmails me, I go public on his ass.

So, while I was at the Doctor's office, I noticed she had this amazing plant specimen on her desk. I asked her what it was, and she told me it was a Rhododendron.

I think Rhododendron is synonymous with SEXIEST. PLANT. EVER.



Anyway, so I swiped the plant from her office, because unlike her session, I was actually getting worked up over this plant. Figured I could just tote it around with me all my days and presto! No more saber malfunctions. Ever.

So, I take the plant back with me and this fairy propositions me. Told her I wasn't interested and returned my attentions back to the plant.

Woke up the next morning to the sound of Brisard's Corellian cackle. Apparently, this was all some little trick of hers and she sprayed the plant with her own perfume just so I'd be attracted to it.



Gotta say. Worked like a charm.

Anyways, long story short, we made up, had a wonderful night, courtesy of Mr. Marvin Gaye, and here I am now.

So, why do I still feel so bad?

If I'd have just taken time to think...to be considerate, Brisard wouldn't have to have perfumed plants and stashed them around my ship.

Expanding on that subject, if I'd have been thinking, I'd have left my master to die, and embraced the galaxy with my son, instead of pushing him away.

I'd own up to the fact that I'm a monster in Leia's eyes instead of expressing my discontent at her when she pushes me away.

I love my children and I love my wife, but for some reason, I fear connection. I fear connection because it opens those I love to my darkness, and for as much control as I have over the Force, I fear that I'd still end up hurting those I care for. I connect with Brisard, yet I cause her more hurt than she has ever known. I don't wish to cause her pain, yet I can't control my emotions when the darkness claims me.

How could I put my children through that?

Maybe I should buy Luke and Leia a nice home...their own planet. Something to show I care, and in a peaceful place, far from my reach.

As for Aria, she is determined to see this through, even if it means her death. She won't allow me to send her away...won't allow me to see to her safety.

Luke is trying to restore our bond...

Leia is hinting at wanting to know her father...

My entire kriffing family is nuts.

Love does that.

Can't they understand that I'm so bad the ghosts of former Sith Lords pop up in my quarters to say, "Dude? You killed younglings? Whoa, you ARE evil."

That settles it. Dr. FleurduMal is taking on the whole family. I'm going to call and schedule a group session. If I've got a problem with hate, they have a problem with love. Hopefully our good doctor will have a solution that can help us to become a true family.

I hope...