Five wishes...

So, I'm reading these parenting books, now that I'm Darth Daddy all over again to a five year old.

One of the books said "When your child is born, write down five wishes for him/her by the time he/she is grown."

I wish I knew from the start that Luke and Leia were alive. I would have happily written down five wishes for both of them. I'm very certain that "member of Rebel Alliance" and "Traitor" would not have been on that list. No offense, Leia. ;) You did make up for it with your most impressive career in the Senate.

So...five wishes for Cesera:

1. May you choose your friends wisely and may those you choose be loyal to you in all walks of life.

2. May you never lose any of your limbs or the use of your lungs...I hope you never have to go through even a second of your life in a suit like mine.

3. May you grow up to be a strong, wise Sith Lord, and bring peace to the galaxy.

4. May you find someone in your life who loves you completely, and who you love in return.

5. May you never lose sight of the Force.

Alright. Daddy duties done. Now I'm off to go interrogate some Rebels. Maybe in fifteen years, Cesera will have a Force choke twice as good as mine. (grin)

Darth Daddy?

Where to start, where to start...So, @Lady_Everon and I renewed our vows and had this amazing honeymoon on Byss and then Delaya, and things were all going so well. Indeed things were...most impressive.



But then...NO, my saber DID NOT malfunction.

I began to have these flashbacks...repetitive visions and nightmares bad enough to the point in which I began to have seizures. I didn't think much of it at all at first, but then Rebecca began to have the same visions.

Many sleepless nights ensued. You begin to get this washed out look after the first five days.




I couldn't make anything of my visions at all. A child in pain? My kids are grown.

Then I met *her*...




A child of five years, imprisoned by my own master, until she escaped. Upon further investigation, I determined that she was not a child, but a clone. A hybrid clone containing both mine and Rebecca's DNA, designed as a cruel solution to end my reign as Palpatine's apprentice, by my master himself.

She is now my daughter. Her name is Cesera.

I must confess, I'm new at this "dad from the start" thing, considering that both the twins were grown before I found out I was their father. Cesera is five. What does one do with a five year old? Oh, Force, I hope I don't accidentally break her. Perhaps she's more durable than one Padme Amidala.

I wonder how she'll turn out. She seems a little dark...stealing mommy's pancakes, "Force manipulating" daddy for more cake with that unrefusable smile of hers...

Perhaps she's more like me than I know.

The nature of peace...

Peace is a lie, there is only passion...

...or so I have practiced for the past twenty some years.

Perhaps those words ring true. Perhaps I should listen more to the teachings of the Sith, and not lean onto my own judgment.

Palpatine would have never once questioned himself...why did I? How will I ever rise to my full potential in the Force if I continue in this manner?

...because she has Padme's face...Padme's eyes...

Because she has the naïve want for peace which a young man born forty years back on Tatooine had and hoped for...a spectre of my past which I know all too well.

Because, despite her serene appearance, inside, she has the fiery temperament of myself, Darth Vader...despite her every attempt to conceal it, she wrestles with the notion that she's more Vader's daughter than Anakin Skywalker's...

Ironically, she has yet to realize that the subject of her hatred is the source of her strength. Ironic for her...heartwrenching for me.

My thoughts often drift back to that night on Coruscant where I sensed through the Force that Padme would bear a daughter. Sensed her, felt her...wept for her when I thought that in my rage at Padme, I had destroyed her...

And then finding Luke all those years later...the shock of his discovery, how he rang out to me through the Force! I had a son! In my joy, I forgot the child I thought I had...attributed it to my frequently blurred visions...only to find again that I was right.

The horror of what I've done to her and to her husband eats at my soul like a flame. I bear it along with the atrocities I've committed towards my son, my long dead wife, and towards countless others. Yet, in that same sense, the euphoria in the revelation that I have a daughter is enough to make it bearable...

I have a daughter. And, just as with Luke, I would do anything in my power to have her in turn accept me as her father.

I attempted to grant her the peace she wanted last night in my proposal for a treaty between the Rebellion and the Alliance. There at last, was her offer on the table...all she needed to end the war was her signature...I had signed already. Her men would go free, her Alliance would go unharmed...together, we could attempt to put things right, once and for all...

...and she refused.

What's more, she elected not to put two capable and loyal men, two men who served her admirably, ahead of her own selfish desires.

As a commanding officer, I run my fleet with a tight fist. If an officer is at fault, he will likely pay for the infraction with his life...but in the same sense, I am quick to reward those loyal to our cause, and I am humbled by any who demonstrate loyalty to me in any regard. Those closest to me know that I can even be forgiving, if the situation and the merit of the officer itself warrants it so...

And yet, here were two loyal and admirable men...men who had not broken during the interrogation, despite the methods my Grand Admiral employed...courageous men. And they were but a speck in the light of her dreams of the Rebellion.

I question the nature of peace...it is foreign to me, yet coveted. I have seen it corrupted by the Jedi, by my master, by countless others. Peace to me has become artificial. A beautiful idea, but nothing more.

I will remain among the rational...